


Little Big Secret

by Spaceytrash



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Male Friendship, Trans Character, Trans James Wilson, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 21:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21277886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceytrash/pseuds/Spaceytrash
Summary: Wilson has been hiding something from House for years. What will his reaction be when he finds out what it is?





	Little Big Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this while I was slightly drunk. Apparently I project on my fav characters when I'm drunk and write, so his happened. I blame the alcohol if this is actually bad and/or for every mistake.

It was beginning to overwhelm him. The feeling of lying, of deceit, growing stronger every second, not leaving him. The secret he had hold back for over 10 years finally growing too big for his conscience and making him feel like a cheat and a liar. He had been carrying it around for years and he was finally growing tired of hiding. Of lying and deceiving his best and, most likely, only friend. Of ignoring who he was and trying to hide his true identity. Hiding who he really was as a person.

Hiding was shaping up to be more exhausting every day and he wished for nothing more than be able to finally come out and tell at least his best friend if not the rest of the world loud and clear who he was and who he had always been.

Wilson sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, afterwards trying to ease the hardened muscles in his neck. He was feeling pretty maudlin for some reason. Tired of life and especially tired of hiding himself away from the only person whose opinion really mattered.

It wasn’t like he had actively hold back from telling his secret, he wasn’t ashamed of it, but there just never had been the right moment. And then he and House had been friends for so long already, it had felt weird to tell him out of the blue, so he had chosen the easy way and just told him nothing. But today for some reason he felt like that had been the wrong decision. That he should have just moved past his fear of rejection and distrust and told the other who he really was.

He wanted to tell himself, that he had decided not to tell House the truth because it was none of his business, which objectively it really wasn’t, but the truth of the matter was that he had just been scared to death of what his reaction would have been. His whole life had been full of plenty rejections and hardships when others found out, so he was never keen on telling someone about it. Always hoping against hope for the best but also fearing for the worst.

Rubbing his tired eyes, Wilson once again tired to shove his melancholy feeling away but to no avail. Today was going to be a bad feeling day, apparently, and there was nothing he could really do about that.

Trying to concentrate on the patient file in front of him, he was glad for once when his office door opened unexpectedly, and he heard limping steps walk into his office. House had been the reason for his worried thoughts, but his presence was still better than being alone with said thoughts. They would only lead to a dark path and he really wasn’t in the mood for that.

“Remember that Nurse in Radiology, who was dating that lanky accountant? Apparently lanky is now a woman,” House announced without greeting, planting himself firmly on the couch in Wilson’s office, munching on a bag of chips and not caring if crumbs fell down onto the carpet.

Wilson looked up at him, scowling and rolling his eyes. Typical for House to just barge in like that and not only start gossiping but also finding a topic that hit far too close on a day like today.

“Good for her, finding out who she is and changing her life accordingly”

House tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowing, watching Wilson closely, “Interesting.”

“What pray tell is so interesting about that?” Wilson’s voice took on a tired and strained note.

He knew he was only inviting House to inspect further but somehow couldn’t bring himself to deflect or change the topic, “It’s good to see that she knows who she is and had the ability to change”

“Hmm. Nothing against that. Only normally you would have asked me how I even found out about it,” House’s voice sounded investigative, like he knew Wilson was hiding something and he didn’t yet know what. Which was true.

He felt his hand return to his neck, kneading out the tensed muscles. Suddenly House’s interruption wasn’t so welcomed anymore. This conversation was reaching territories he didn’t like.

“I suppose through your usual gossip channels. Hiding out in Coma Guy’s room with the door open and listening to the nurses chat”

House harrumphed, which told Wilson he had been right, but didn’t look like he was thrown off the idea that his friend was having a secret, “You’re still hiding something. I know it. Come on spit it out. You know I will find out about it eventually”

All the answer Wilson granted him was a heavy sigh. He knew he should just tell him. After all just minutes before he had been contemplating telling his friend. But now, actually faced with it happening, he wasn’t so sure if he really wanted to. His nerves getting the better of him again and he was fearing the reaction House would have.

“There is nothing to tell. Now I’m sure you don’t care about your own, but I have paperwork to go through,” and with that Wilson looked back down at his patient file, hoping, even though he knew it was futile, that House would take the hint and leave him alone, not inquiring any further.

He chose to ignore the inquisitive stare he felt on himself for some time, instead trying and failing to read the data in the chart in front of him.

“Where you trying to score her? You knew they were together,” House’s voice interrupted the silence that had engulfed the room.

Wilson sighed again, closed his eyes for a second but otherwise continued to ignore House. He could hear in the tone that his friend didn’t really believe what he said and only wanted to get a rise out of him. Another thing he knew fully well, was that House wouldn’t rest before he found out what he was hiding. He knew it was only a matter of time, yet he couldn’t bring himself to actually tell his friend. Thinking about all the ways it could go wrong if he did. How it could destroy the best thing he had in his life. How it could destroy this stupid, fantastic friendship with House.

“Good riddance. It would have been to early for a Mrs. Wilson number 4 anyways”

Closing his eyes once again, he took a deep breath. He should just tell him, but what if everything he feared would come true? Then again, was he ready to live with that secret forever? One way or another it would come out eventually, so why not just get it over with and tell him. At least he wouldn’t feel like he was lying or deceiving his best friend anymore.

“Or, if it’s lanky you wanted, it would have been Mr. Wilson the first once upon a time”

Wilson let his hand drop onto his desk rather hard, which made his pencil holder fall over and roll them all over his files.

“House stop. I know what you’re trying to do. There really is no need for that. I tell you what is up, so just stop with that”

The dark-haired doctor looked at him with a self-congratulating smirk, “So what’s been irking little Jimmy?”

Bracing himself for the upcoming conversation, Wilson closed his eyes for a second and then looked out of the balcony window, consciously avoiding looking at House.

“I wanted to tell you this years ago, but there just never had been a good moment for it. And somehow, I always feared your reaction. This friendship with you is the longest lasting relationship I have, and I’m scared of loosing it,” he sighed, his hand unconsciously returning to his neck, “I’m transgender. I was born with a female body, but it never felt like it was mine and it really wasn’t. I am a man, no matter what my chromosomes say.”

He glanced down on his desk, fearing for his friend’s reaction. Finally, he had revealed and shared his deepest secret. Silence was filling the air and the longer it continued, the more nervous he got. His hands started to shake slightly, and his heart was beating wildly in his chest. He just wished House would finally break the uncomfortable silence and just say something. Either something scathing or accepting, he almost didn’t care anymore as long as the stifling silence got interrupted.

“So, I guess my plan of asking for kid pics when I meet your folks is out of the question now?” House finally said.

Wilson looked up at House and felt relief immediately wash through him when he saw the other’s face. After years of friendship he felt like he could read House’s facial expressions pretty well. And at the moment his face told him, that while he hadn’t expected the news, he still accepted them without question. It was everything Wilson had hoped that that moment would be, when he had imagined it in his better moments.

He gave a short but dry chuckle, “I prefer if you wouldn’t. They are rather embarrassing”

House gave him an answering smirk, “Little Jimmy been running around naked a lot then?”

“Something like that. Never liked wearing shirts as a kid,” which made House laugh slightly.

Then the light-hearted mood turned more serious.

“Explains a lot though. When did you knew?” House asked, his voice careful, not wanting to anger Wilson with inconsiderate questions.

His friend’s consideration for his feelings made him smile softly. If only more people could see this side of House, then they would understand how Wilson could be friends with House.

“When I was around 5, I knew something was wrong. Not what though. That came when I was in Middle School. A teacher of mine was quite liberal, especially for the time, and taught us about all kinds of things. Sexual orientations, gender expression and whatnot. That’s when I finally realized what was different with me. Told my parents a year later”

“Must have been hard to tell them,” House interrupted.

“Yeah. But thankfully they took it in stride. It was really awkward the first year after I came out, but when they finally accepted that that’s who I am they supported me through it. Found me a doctor who understood the situation and prescribed me hormones. From then on, I felt far more comfortable with myself. I think that out of the three of us, I was the least likely to cause other trouble and after Danny got diagnosed,” he gulped and took a short break, “they had enough stuff on their plate to panic about me being transgender”

House nodded, “Schizophrenia trumps wrong body then”

“Apparently.”

They were silent for a while, until Wilson looked at House a bit uncertain and asked quietly, “We’re alright, right?”

“Yep,” House popped the p loudly, “As long as you buy me lunch, Wonder Boy”


End file.
